Monday, 10 October 2016



Hi, guys! I'm back!
Less or more than 2 months we will count down to 2017. What do you had achieved in 2016? How's your life? Better or become worst? For me, I think 2016 is not a good year for me even it is the worst year ever in my life.

Someone broke my heart into little pieces. Losing him was like losing a part of me. I couldn’t function well. Yet, by the time that he and I had parted ways, our connection was already severed, bleeding, broken and hanging on by threads we both imagined were there. But it is not.

When we met, we think we were good together, open-hearted, honest, trusting each other ("roll eyes"). A few months later, we were both addicts, self-harming in our own ways, and both in the habit of using words as weapons against each other - everything's seems goes wrong way. Sure, you and I, we were sick, mentally and emotionally exhausted.

But after that, I think I just found myself back. I enjoy my happy time as single again. Maybe it sounds like my broken heart healed naturally, over time. It didn’t. But I choose to be happy because I deserve to be happy.  

Finally, now, I can experience the feeling of love when looking at sunset (read: handsome boys) and enjoy my lonely time. I can have a really good conversation with friend, hangout with them, and of course having a very good time with my family. I’ve come to define love as an awareness of my connection to the world, and I allow that connection to take endless forms. Because of that, I’m no longer begging, pleading, desperately for people to love me, and I am not obsessing about past relationships lost.

Having heartbreak doesn't mean I will give up on love forever. Of course not, because I believe each relationship is different, so we will experience various of unique connections with different person. I have come to believe that heartbreak is an incredible opportunity and a chance to observe the difference between true love and addiction. It’s a chance to separate our desire for love from our expectations about where love comes from. 

Heartbreak maybe the best opportunity for us to look at what we believe we’ve lost and realized that, maybe, we’ve never actually found it. Of course, it will still hurt. But if you allow yourself to lose a relationship without losing love and then your healing process will be more easier and it will open doors to profound self-discovery rather than be suffering.

Learning to love showed me how much I have to give, and it’s more than I could have ever imagined. And heartbreak can actually strengthen your future relationship. As Gangaji said, “let your heart break, for your breaking heart only reveals a core of love unbroken.”